Why Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Scroll through any feed dedicated to “Empowering Women” and you will see scores of articles about the need for self-care.

If there are so many resources advocating the importance of tuning-in before giving-out, then why do so many women STILL feel exhausted and burned-out?

I mean think about the plethora of spas, retreats, workshops, self-help books, etc AND then ask yourself

Why do women hesitate to utilize these options more often than not?

The answer: The shared belief that self-care IS selfish.

Let me be the first one to admit having made that same false assumption more times than not.

Even as a young girl the message ingrained into my subconscious was that as a female my needs were subservient.

Whether it was being passed over when it came time to dole out seconds at dinner (girls should only have seconds once the men get their fill) or the numerous times I helped a boyfriend write his paper in lieu of writing my own, I skipped self-care in order  to fulfill the needs of the men in my life first.

Jump forward to the Present: Enough is enough AND I am enough. The One Relationship that lasts a lifetime is the one with Yourself. From the moment you take your first breath until the instant you take your last, you are in a relationship with you.

In order to have healthy relationships with others, you need to be in one with Yourself. You can’t share something that you have not experienced. It is vital to cultivate a Kindly Conscious relationship with yourself so you may extend a feeling of fulfillment into all of your external relationships rather than a need for completion.

Practicing self-care IS NOT selfish. It infuses all of your interactions in the outside world with actions reflecting the mindset of “enough” rather than “not enough.” Refilling your emotional and physical tanks via Kindly Conscious choices that Shine Your Light without defense or apology benefits ALL that cross your path.

Think about it like this: When you skip a meal and then try to contribute thoughtful conversation during a long meeting, you don’t have the reserves needed to produce your best effort. Sure you might throw out a witty curveball and buy yourself a few minutes to throw-back an energy drink gulp or two, BUT the effect of your presence will not have the full impact of your Highest potential.

The same goes for your emotional and physical tanks. When they are depleted, so are you. The time you take to refuel will serve you AND those you serve. Again, self-care IS NOT selfish; it is the absolute example of caring for others enough to give them the best version of you in ANY interaction.

Fall in Love with Yourself. Be in the healthiest relationship you can imagine with Yourself. Your friends and Loved ones will love that you did not settle for sharing any less with them than your Best Self.


I Love Igniting Kindly Conscious Conversations with you…Please share your thoughts below.


Hi! I'm Nanci Besser Reed. As a Mindset + Pilates Mentor, I help heart-centered women renew and reset their Mind AND Body via Pilates + Mindfulness. I offer private and group sessions via Zoom and other online platforms. I'm also a blogger and frequent contributor to aligned publications.

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